Lost in the Maze

And finally I was there.

No matter how many years pass by or how many milestones you cross, life has an uncanny knack of bringing you back to the old roads. You reach there unexpectedly. And these places catch you off guard.

It was once such place. My college. I was out on an official errand. I was returning back home. I was rushing towards Churchgate station to catch the train before it gets crowded. I knew that I was walking through the adjacent lane to my college. Suddenly there was an urge in me to go and have a look at that place where I had spent 5 precious years of my life and learnt a couple of great lessons ... from books as well as from life.

As I walked down that road , the corners of which I knew almost intuitively, there was a rush of strange feelings and thoughts. I was walking slowly, experiencing every feeling.... thinking every thought.

It hadn't been long since I was in college. But yet it seemed as though it had been years since I had graduated. I was longing to see it. My pace increased as did my thoughts. The structure finally showed up among the trees that surround it. I slowed down as I came closer.

And finally I was there.

My college was right in front of me. The building, the stairs which lead to the lobby, the classrooms, the adjacent library....everything was there. It triggered a sudden flashback. A fast-forward of flashback. The days spent, peers, friends, teachers...all of them shot by....random names..random faces...faces whose names I couldn't recollect...all the nostalgia one can think of.

It seemed as though I was there yesterday. I could remember some of the events and times vividly. Till this point, I guess all of you can imagine.

It is then, that the twist begins....I see fresh faces none of which I can recognise. I find my eyes searching for someone whom I may know...someone who would wave to me...someone who would smile at me....someone who would run across the road and start chatting up on whats happening and whats coming up the day after.

But I see none. I feel like an odd man out. I feel as though I'm far away from that place. I am not part of it anymore. I can proudly call myself an alumnus but that still puts me in the past. Alumnus means that you 'were' a part...you are 'no more' a part of it. New kids are on the block. They have occupied the benches which I was occupying sometime back. Its a perfectly normal and natural phenomenon. Time goes by and you move on while someone else takes your place.

But then why is it that I feel the proximity and the distance at the same time? Why do I feel that I was there yesterday as a part of it and today I am a stranger? Why am I feeling that I exist in yesterday and today at the same time? Is there a difference? Is there something that divides yesterday and today? Is time real?

This is when I start believing in Einstein's theory that there is nothing called as time. Time is an illusion. Physicists believe that events merely exist in space. Probably they do. Yesterday and Today exist in space together. It is probably we who are travelling in space from one event to the other. I feel as though I exist in yesterday, today and tomorrow parellely. The one which dominates is the one I choose. The day I saw my college, yesterday and today intersected.

I don't understand this idea completely and sometimes I feel lost in this maze.

But this feeling has a bitter sweet taste to it. Lose yourself in this maze sometimes and taste the feeling it gives you. You will feel something close to eternity.