Lost in the Maze

And finally I was there.

No matter how many years pass by or how many milestones you cross, life has an uncanny knack of bringing you back to the old roads. You reach there unexpectedly. And these places catch you off guard.

It was once such place. My college. I was out on an official errand. I was returning back home. I was rushing towards Churchgate station to catch the train before it gets crowded. I knew that I was walking through the adjacent lane to my college. Suddenly there was an urge in me to go and have a look at that place where I had spent 5 precious years of my life and learnt a couple of great lessons ... from books as well as from life.

As I walked down that road , the corners of which I knew almost intuitively, there was a rush of strange feelings and thoughts. I was walking slowly, experiencing every feeling.... thinking every thought.

It hadn't been long since I was in college. But yet it seemed as though it had been years since I had graduated. I was longing to see it. My pace increased as did my thoughts. The structure finally showed up among the trees that surround it. I slowed down as I came closer.

And finally I was there.

My college was right in front of me. The building, the stairs which lead to the lobby, the classrooms, the adjacent library....everything was there. It triggered a sudden flashback. A fast-forward of flashback. The days spent, peers, friends, teachers...all of them shot by....random names..random faces...faces whose names I couldn't recollect...all the nostalgia one can think of.

It seemed as though I was there yesterday. I could remember some of the events and times vividly. Till this point, I guess all of you can imagine.

It is then, that the twist begins....I see fresh faces none of which I can recognise. I find my eyes searching for someone whom I may know...someone who would wave to me...someone who would smile at me....someone who would run across the road and start chatting up on whats happening and whats coming up the day after.

But I see none. I feel like an odd man out. I feel as though I'm far away from that place. I am not part of it anymore. I can proudly call myself an alumnus but that still puts me in the past. Alumnus means that you 'were' a part...you are 'no more' a part of it. New kids are on the block. They have occupied the benches which I was occupying sometime back. Its a perfectly normal and natural phenomenon. Time goes by and you move on while someone else takes your place.

But then why is it that I feel the proximity and the distance at the same time? Why do I feel that I was there yesterday as a part of it and today I am a stranger? Why am I feeling that I exist in yesterday and today at the same time? Is there a difference? Is there something that divides yesterday and today? Is time real?

This is when I start believing in Einstein's theory that there is nothing called as time. Time is an illusion. Physicists believe that events merely exist in space. Probably they do. Yesterday and Today exist in space together. It is probably we who are travelling in space from one event to the other. I feel as though I exist in yesterday, today and tomorrow parellely. The one which dominates is the one I choose. The day I saw my college, yesterday and today intersected.

I don't understand this idea completely and sometimes I feel lost in this maze.

But this feeling has a bitter sweet taste to it. Lose yourself in this maze sometimes and taste the feeling it gives you. You will feel something close to eternity.

The Silence within...

It has been long since I have written. A few have enquired as to why I haven't updated. I take that as a compliment! For I know that there are souls out there who not only read what I write but also wait for me to write more.

I have been wanting to write. There have been thoughts appearing like shooting stars on the canvas of my mind. But I still didn't write. I have been wondering as to what kept me from writing?

I can comfortably give the excuse of the 'corporate effect' percolating into me and robbing me off my time. But let me not give excuses.

The fact is that I had not found my tranquility. I wanted to settle in solitude, shut myself from the noises and chaos of the world and experience the power of silence. Silence is one of the most powerful form of prayer. I enclosed myself in my room and ensured that no one could reach me for sometime. I turned deaf to ringing bells, vibrating phones and conversations of my family. I let off all control on myself and my thoughts. I sat there without 'deciding and planning' to do something. I just sat there...in silence..."not thinking what I am thinking"... I was just there....somewhere..doing nothing ...thinking nothing....

Thoughts rushed to me as they usually do... even more so when I am silent..but I didn't want to control them...I didn't bother to entertain them...I just let them be...and to my surprise they just came and went...and what was left was pure silence...within and without... I was experiencing peace. It was like homecoming.

This happened last evening. I wake up today morning and something in me brings me here and my fingers dance on the keyboard as though they have an intelligence which I am not aware of. I realise that I am writing...again. And I am happy. Its a beautiful morning, earth and its beings are freshening up in the showers, birds are singing and I am sitting by the window and writing. Its perfect. Life has once again gifted me with one of its perfect moments.

And I also feel that one of the driving forces for me to write is all those people who like to read what I write. So, let me thank you all for supporting me.

"When you shut yourself to the noises, the voice within speaks"

Something called...Love

Since the time I have been writing, many of my close friends have been waiting for me to write something about the most sensational topic in the world...Love!

I wonder why they are so curious to know what I think about something so strange. Perhaps, the very fact that it is strange is what makes people interested in it. I have been reading a couple of articles written by my friends on their blogs and have been thinking of putting down my thoughts too. Finally, I have convinced myself to sit down and do it. I have finally failed in my attempt to evade the topic!

To begin with, let me tell you, I am an idealist. I have an idealistic approach to everything in life, including Love. I have always believed that Love is sacrosanct. But strangely, it has revealed itself around me in many different ways that are not so congruent with my idealistic beliefs.

I know of some of my very close friends...their fragile hearts were smitten with Love. And as Kahlil Gibran says it, ' then came Satan and drove them out of the Paradise of Love '. Their hearts shattered into a thousand pieces. After the tempest died, they sat in the darkness hoping for a ray of hope. Some of them just gave up on it and let the wind blow away the shattered pieces lying strewn all over. Some optimists, picked up the pieces and tried putting them together as though playing a jigsaw puzzle which they can never comprehend.

On the other hand there are people who can conveniently trample over those fragile hearts and confidently justify their actions. These people seem to be like jugglers juggling with hearts.

I know that atleast when it comes to Love, there are many idealists like me. And for us idealists, assimilation of certain modern day theories become difficult. But I have realised that this thing called Love has a 'psycho-socio' dimension to it. And if we take this into consideration, it may seem that the concept of Love has been treated with a lot of hypocrisy. It is said that Love has everything to do with the heart...originates from the heart and terminates at the heart. But looking at the trend, one may be rest assured that every thing in between the beginning and the end has something to do with the brain, society etc... and least with 'heart'.

Yes, for idealists its hard to believe that distance can break relationships, but the fact is that in many cases it does. Its impossible in the story books for the princess or the prince to fall in Love with someone else, but outside the books, its very much possible. One of my very good friends recently told me that its possible for a person who is in Love with someone to have an infatuation for someone else. My idealism questioned this.. but that fact is that it happens. I have heard people say, "its perfectly fine to have crushes outside your relationships". I wonder how?! The other day I read an article in the paper which states a new discovery by some scientists somewhere in the world that flirting..even outside your relationship can be good for you. Don't scientists have anything better to do?

And I must not forget to include one of the most important aspects which can make or break relationships. Money! (i now think Love has a psycho-socio & economic dimension too!!) I guess the more we look into it, the more factors will appear...achievements, capability, dreams, space etc etc all play their respective roles. It always begins with the heart...and then there is everything except the heart, in it.

Finally I am forced to conclude that Love is not absolute. It is subjective...subjective in terms of perceptions, decisions & experiences. Each one can interpret it differently and experience it differently. Its best if we remember that it is not an Axiom.

As for me, the more I try to figure this out, the more complicated and dreadful it gets. I feel my understanding of Love when I was 15 years old was far better than what it is now because... it was innocent. I was ignorant of the darker sides of paradise. I could only see the beauty. I could believe only in the purity. Maybe that's why its said...sometimes ignorance is bliss.

And now, leaving each one to his own, I return to where I belong...the story book...where the Prince & the Princess are locked in the sacred bliss of Love. The perfect Love which the 15 year old within me still believes in. I will rather be happy with my eyes shut than be sad with my eyes open...

The Inevitable...

While we walk through the winters of life...we learn a couple of lessons. We never forget them, but these lessons settle in the dusty shelves of our minds when the good times come...

And then, Life knocks...to remind us that we are still in school and we should not forget what we have learnt. A recent incident in my Life reminded me of one such lesson that I had learnt a long time ago...

Right from our childhood, we all strive for something, constantly, throughout our life...and that is 'Belongingness'. Abraham Maslow has included this in his theory. It has been weaved into us. We always want to belong and we want someone or something to belong to us.

Sometimes when I look at life through a prism, it looks like we all 'live to belong'. Be it our family, friends, organization or social setups...we yearn to belong. The moment we land up in a new environment, we instinctively look out for groups of people among whom we may fit in. We do so many things just because we want to belong. We go all out to do things that we may not be in tune with, just so that we belong...

But the truth, as strange as it may seem, is that we DO NOT belong....we do not belong anywhere or to anyone. We are not inevitable. None of us is, no matter how important we think we are, we are not important enough to bring the world around us to a halt. Forget about the world, not even our friends and family would halt in our absence. There had been souls who created empires, which continues even in their absence.

Perhaps the only one to whom you belong is yourself. But the irony is that you do so less for your own self so that you could belong to some place or someone you can never belong to.

The only person who truly travels with you in your life is 'you' yourself. Belongingness is important, but remember....

There is no Game Over... The Game goes on....

A Miracle!

This is a little flower which bloomed right in front of my window today morning. I kept looking at it for sometime and then, I saw a great lesson that life had presented in front of me on this beautiful morning...and I captured it forever on my camera and in my heart.

I have seen a flower bud since my childhood...
I have seen a flower blooming since my childhood

We all have seen a flower bud since our childhood...
We all have seen a flower blooming since our childhood...

But today what you see as a blooming flower...I see as a Miracle.

We take so many things in life for granted. Have we ever wondered, as to how a little plant grows, leafs form and then the buds blooming into a flower? We havent...because we have taken life for granted. We have assimilated the theories written in those botany text books which explain how a flower blooms and never questioned it. Maybe it is right.

Science has gone a long way to explain many mystries which puzzled mankind in the past. But it has also blindfolded us to the miracles that appear in our life, everyday.

We try to reason everything that happens...we try to establish logic. We try to prove that our logicis right.

But today I realised that there is a far superior intelligence which has created this Universe flawlessly...every intricate detail worked out to perfection. No matter how much we try to reason...this intelligence is way beyond the realms of human comprehension.

Most of us wish for a miracle without realising that miracles are happening all around us, each and every day in the simplest of the ways. All we need to do is keep our eyes open to the beautiful miracles of life...

I feel ecstatic to know that everyday morning when I wake up and look into the mirror I will see a Miracle!

Whats with Slumdog?

Finally there comes an Englishman and makes a film especially focusing on the underbelly of Aamchi Mumbai which goes ahead to win the Golden Globes and then making a final dream run to the Oscars, just like the protagonist of the movie Jamal Malik.

As they say in the movie, ‘it’s written’ and maybe..it is indeed.

Back here there is a hostile group who criticize Slumdog to the extent possible. But then criticism is an integral part of film making. But what is amusing, is the reason for which the movie is being criticized. It is said that it has projected India in bad light. The underbelly has been highlighted so much that it can tear down the Global image that we are trying to create. Some prominent people have gone to the extent of saying that it is not Jamal who is the real slumdog but India itself. It is being looked at as one of the shrewd tricks of the West to defame India now that they themselves are in a grim situation.

I am not saying that the movie is an all time Classic. But when I saw the movie, the first thing which came into my mind was that it takes a lot for a film maker to tread an uncommon path to make such a film. Going down into the real slums, studying their way of life and actually shooting there, is not a cake walk. And if I am not mistaken, the production team has taken shots of real locations (garbage dumps & sewage canals). When we pass by these places we turn away our faces and probably cover our noses let alone going there to shoot.

Moreover, the cinematography, the background scores and audio effects are excellent. The script I guess is a bit too complex so even the director needs to be appreciated for handling it well enough.

The bottom line is that it is just a Film. I do not understand why people take it so personally, that they feel, that the makers are trying to defame India! All those things which have been portrayed in the movie are things which we are aware of. Let us just keep aside our inflated egos and accept the fact that there DOES exist an underbelly like this and there might be many such Jamals who haven’t managed to become millionaires overnight.

And every nation, even the most developed ones have an underbelly. Hollywood comes out with movies on everything from dinosaurs to mutants to gangsters. Even though we watch these movies none of our perceptions of the West have really been altered.

The makers have been accused of shooting the dirtiest of the things including the open roofed toilets. I now ponder as to why do our film makers go abroad to shoot films? Why not shoot in the most scenic locales in India so that the world gets a glimpse of it’s beauty? Moreover when our babus go there, they choose the best of the locales. No one is stopping them from shooting the dirtier sides of those nations.

Come on fellow artists and management gurus…learn to look at a piece of art work just as it is…and let it just be…if not appreciate it. The fuss in the cup will only rob us of some time and energy to make something better!

There is something that I personally felt after I saw this movie. Gratitude! I thank God for all what I have in my life, right from my parents to my house to my education. And I now feel that my house is a palace!