Love...Once Again

I was afraid I had given up on writing. I was afraid I had given up on expressing. I was afraid I had given up on love.

The world is a master at the art of cynicism, which it cleverly camouflages with the mask of pragmatism, all the while fooling you into doubting your beliefs about yourself, life, relationships and perhaps every other thing around.

Each time I looked around, I felt fooled. My beliefs about life and love were being challenged. The world was changing at a great momentum. I felt like a radical particle from a different time, a time which may have never existed, floating through a multitude of events, which seemed surreal and real at the same time.

I could see my faith in love eroding. I didn't stop it. I could see myself become one among the many pseudo pragmatists, trying to fit into the moulds of the 'new' world. I didn't stop myself. It was far easier to hop onto the bandwagon and take part in the chaos rather than to exist feeling like an anachronism.

And then I stumbled upon this...a video...a short film called Blind Devotion. It came from an unexpected source , through an unexpected channel at an unexpected time. It must be one among the million other things that flow through the virality of the internet.

But to me it seemed like a message. A message to remind me that there still exist those people who don't give up on their hearts...those who are not afraid to remain a minority or seem tangent to practicality of the world...those who happily embrace their madness and live life like it is a storybook.

To all those brave those souls who run holding up the torch of true love, yet go unnoticed in the darkness of the world, I say thank you. I salute you.

You made me write again today. You will make me express again tomorrow. You will inspire me to love again...someday.

A note from Teddy's diary

They come. They hug. They go.

 

I sit there with my arms stretched out, my sophisticated demeanour being the only factor differentiating me from a scarecrow...a constant smile pasted on my face like static on a television screen.

 

I listen to them when they want to speak. I speak when they want to listen. I wipe their tears when they cry and laugh with them when they are happy. I allow them to have me around when they are alone and need company. I allow them to keep me aside when they have others to give them company.

 

They say I am adorable. They say I am sweet. They say I am their best friend. Am I? Really?

 

Or...am I just a Teddy Bear?

 

Do they know that deep inside all the sponge, there is a heart? ... a heart pretty much like theirs? Do they realize...

 

that I can 'feel' as much as they do?

 

that I want them to listen to me as much as I listen to them?

 

that I want to hug and be hugged not just when they feel like, but also when I feel like?

 

that I cannot switch roles between a Teddy and a Punching Bag as and when people want me to?

 

that just because my black buttony eyes do not shed tears, it does not mean that I don't need a shoulder once in a while?

 

that I too want to be able to express my feelings and emotions when I feel like, without being like a petrified investor constantly monitoring the volatility of their emotional stock exchange?

 

that affection is neither for charity nor on sale?

 

that I want them to be my best buddies in the truest sense?

 

Do they realize? ... Will they ever realize? ... I don't know.

 

However, what I do know is that... I don't want to be a Teddy Bear anymore.

The Insane Gift

"Are you mad?" came the question. 

I had the insane gift. 

I was laughing my lungs out. "Are you mad?" came the question again. I had heard something which seemed very funny to me and I was having a hearty laugh. Almost ROFL. Though they found it funny too, they were of the opinion that there was a limit to laughter. I never knew there was a limit to laughter! Who ever set a limit to laughter? And when?

This scenario is not unusual though. I have heard my friends ask the same question. But now this gets me thinking. 

Try this or at least imagine ;-) ...

Go to a busy road nearby and stand in a corner and...cry. Wail if you wish to. What happens? People will rush to you inquiring about what happened. They will console you and sympathize. Even those passersby who have no clue of what is happening will stop by to sympathize. You seem to be a damsel in distress and that is normal...in alignment with our social norms.

Now, on a different day, go to the same road, to the same spot and start laughing. You can start with a giggle and ascend to a roaring laughter. What happens? People start staring at you. They become apprehensive and start whispering amongst themselves. They may ignore you if their senses permit, but you sure do run a risk of some of these people chasing you with sticks. You are insane. Or else, why would you laugh for no reason? 

Look at this ridiculous world. A world that tells you that, if you laugh too much, then you will cry the next day. What better way for the world to strangulate you mentally even before you start laughing?!

We are surrounded by people who complain and find opportunities to be sad even though they enjoy more privileges than most other people in this world. Sadness is accepted. People who sulk are comforted while those who laugh (apparently for no reason) are labeled insane. We all came with a license to be sad..right? Then why on earth should one laugh so much? After all, we were born crying.

Why do people find it so difficult to accept the fact that our Creator wishes us to be happy? Why do we measure our laughter in ounces even when we know that it is good for health? Why do we believe that tragedy is the truth of life and comedy is an imagination of storybook writers and film-makers? Why do we have to wait to become senior citizens, die more of boredom rather than cardiovascular problems and then start off laughing clubs to force some laughter out of ourselves in the name of therapy? 

"Are you mad?" comes the question again.

Maybe I am. Isn't it far better to be happy and be labeled as insane rather than keep whining all your life to be accepted and pseudo-sympathized by fellow whiners? 

Remember, O sane world..that many species other than humans can cry too. But none other than humans can laugh. Its a gift. 

Are you on a wild goose chase?



Rita Menon
Guest Author

After a lot many painful bad days of being in a conflict within myself…I figured, what I want in life. Is it easy for all of us to know what we actually want? Or what we think we want is a perception of what society wants us to have?

When we are young, out of school or college, all we want is a job. Once we have the job which gives us acceptance in the society or with the friends circle the next step is to get a wife or husband. Get settled, have a house, get married!! What would be the next transitional goal in this life you live? It’s an easy guess, Children and boom! You have lived a perfect life – job, family, house and of course, society’s acceptance.

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself what you really want? Leave aside the thought of being accepted by society. And just asked yourself, what do I really want in life?

All the things mentioned above are indeed a part of life, steps in the journey you call life. But these cannot be the end goal you try and reach. End goal should be happiness, whatever it takes to reach there.

Happiness is again tricky. What gives you happiness at a certain stage in life, will not continue to keep you happy all along. So how do gauge what will make you happy in the long run? Each one has their own take on what happiness is..depending on your upbringing, your friends, your family and the people who influence in this short life you have.

Solution, live life for the moment, pursue what you want to do.. What you think will be right and what will make you happy for that moment. The only question I ask myself in my impulsive decisions is - will I ever repent this? Will look back and say that ‘this was a bad decision’. If I I know the answer is no, I will do what I feel.

 

"I am so excited to have the first Guest Post on this blog. Let me introduce Ms.Rita Menon. Rita is a dear friend, a good conversationalist, a writer and when time permits, she works for an investment bank and currently resides in the US. Thank you so much Rita, for the cool conversations and this post. Looking forward to many more..."

                                                                                                                        - Unnikrishnan

Little something I never knew..

To,
   Someone who is dearer than 'Dearest'

I never believed in Magic. Now I do.
I never saw the beauty in poetry. Now I do.
I never knew for sure if souls connected. Now I do.
I never knew I could step out of the walls I built around myself. Now I do.
I never knew I could let time go by, waiting and not regret it. Now I do.
I never knew what it was to be fully alive. Now I do.
I never knew I could write this to you. Now I do.

I never knew it would be you. Now I do.

It is You.

Love Always,

The Dark Passenger

A 23 year old girl in Delhi got assaulted and brutally raped a few days ago. She is battling for her life. And the nation is battling with itself.

RAPE. A four letter word which comes with a stigma attached to it, has the public, cops, the judiciary and the government dancing to its tunes. No sooner does an event create enough buzz, that it spurs a series of debates, discussions, write-ups and posters all over.

I read an article from a spiritual community, which said that rape had nothing to do with sex. Sex is passionate and involves love while rape is a blend of hate, anger and disrespect for another human being. Hence both are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

I neither completely agree nor disagree with the above point. Rape is definitely a problem. The increasing number of incidents and lack of control on the situation is a bigger problem. But, an even bigger problem is our misconceptions of this social evil and our narrow minded approach to it. We are still conservative while dealing with problems affecting the society. We see the symptoms and mistake it for the disease. Hence we fight the symptoms while the disease prevails.

The concept and definition of rape needs refurbishment. Can an act of sexual violence be classified as rape, only if there has been an intercourse? Even though the stats prove that it is usually the males who are rapists, can we say with absolute certainty that a woman cannot turn into a rapist? Can a male be raped? Are the boys who are victims of sodomy considered as rape victims?

If we look at the problem from different angles, each one of them is sure to open up a fresh set of questions.

My idea of writing this blog is not to find answers to all the questions pertaining to the problem but to analyze the root cause of such deviant behavior. What makes a person a rapist? Some say that it is a psychological disorder and that rapists are insane. Some others are of the opinion that these people are not insane but victims of certain social problems. Another viewpoint is that they are sexually deprived and hence desperate.

None of these schools of thought are completely wrong. It is hard to point out any one reason. But we can be certain that even though the act is sexual by nature, it has very less to do with sex itself.

As I see it, this pseudo-sexual act comprises of two parts. The primary factors or ingredients (as I would call it) and the catalysts. The catalysts are many (social, economic, political etc.), however we may be able to spot high levels of similarity among the primary factors lying at the base of every rape case. My point is that instead of just fighting and suppressing the catalysts, we must target the primary factors even though they maybe extremely difficult to uproot.

One of the most prominent primary factor according to me is the 'need for POWER'. The complication here is that this need is engraved into most of us, not just the ones who commit the crime. Deep within ourselves, there is a need to prove either to ourselves or/and to others that we have POWER and that we are in control. The concept of power too is multidimensional, hence the way in which we satisfy this need would vary from person to person. This need maybe dormant in some while it maybe prominent in some others.

Rapists would fall into the latter category. The catalysts, whatever they may be, would trigger the action. But as I mentioned, the root cause lies in the strong desire to prove that one has power over another. And this necessity to prove usually originates from a deeply set inferiority complex. Hence, anyone who suffers from this complex would mostly try dominating someone who is physically, mentally or emotionally weaker and fool himself or herself into enjoying the feeling of superiority. There are numerous situations around us where we witness or may even be a part of domination or submission. Rape is one such extreme act which allows the perpetrator to channelize his aggression through a sexual medium and derive sadistic pleasure in the misery of the victim.

It would be myopic to believe that the human race lies in pure contrast. We all have shades of grey. Most of us, at a conscious level are oblivious to the dark sides of our own selves. Like the popular TV character Dexter Morgan says..."we all have a Dark Passenger inside". Its hard to predict when will this passenger wake up.

This blog has not come to a conclusion. It has only turned the board around so that the readers can take off those tinted glasses for sometime while analyzing the concept of rape in the light of the current scenario. As I write this, the media is buzzing with fresh cases of rape.

There are too many Dark Passengers waking up. The question is...will we be able to identify and keep a check on them?

The Insignificant Ant

Once upon a time, there was a man who was frustrated with life. This isn't uncommon. Frustrated people can be found anywhere and everywhere. We all get frustrated at some point or the other. But then, that is how a story always begins!

So, once upon a time, there was a man who was frustrated with life. There were many reasons for him to be so. He felt that he was failing at everything he was attempting in life. This was not limited to just work, but also relationships, balancing emotions and taking up a spiritual journey. His frustration made him anxious... and his anxiety increased his frustration. He tried devouring self-help books and listening to talks by spiritual gurus. His knowledge and awareness increased book by book and guru by guru. Yet there was something that was missing. His greatest asset was the staunch faith that he would find something that would inspire him and fill that void that he was experiencing.

One sunny morning, he was sitting leaning on a wall in his house, lost in thoughts when he saw a little black ant. An insignificant little creature restlessly running close to the base of the wall, trying to climb up. After a lot of efforts, it finally found its way up. It started climbing up, pausing at intervals, looking towards both sides and then climbing up again. The young man was carefully observing the ant. It was close to reaching the top when all of a sudden, it lost its grip and fell. It lay there for a few seconds struggling to get up. Just when the man thought that the ant must be in extreme pain, it gathered itself and started marching up again.

This scene reminded the young man of the story of the King and the Spider. The young man was impressed and decided to ask for some tips from the ant.

He interjected, "Hey little fella, that was impressive!"
The Ant, taken by surprise (that a human should talk to him) just stared back.
The young man, sensing the question in the Ant's mind, said, "What you did just did...getting up after a fall and climbing up again...that was impressive"
Ant: "What is so impressive about that?"
Man: "You did not let the fall affect you and stop you from climbing again"
Ant: "Why should it affect me? Its a part of my work. It happens to me all the time"
Man: "Precisely. You fail so many times, yet you don't feel dejected"
Ant: "What do you mean I fail so many times?"
Man: "I mean, each time you fall, you are failing..and you fall umpteen times. But what is fantastic is how you get up and keep striving towards success...just like the spider in that story"
Ant (confused): "Which spider? What story? What are you talking about dude?"
Man (surprised): "Haven't you heard the story of the King and the Spider, in which the Spider keeps weaving its web till it succeeds to make one?"
Ant (getting restless): "No, I haven't heard any such story"
Man: "Do you read any self-help books?"
Ant: "No"
Man: "So then you must be definitely attending the discourses of some spiritual guru."
Ant: "No... I don't."
Man (even more surprised) : So then, where do you get your motivation from? Do you a have a Success Coach?
Ant (perplexed): "Whats that now?"
Man: "Someone who can coach you to become successful."
Ant: "I really can't get a thing of what you are saying. What is 'becoming successful'all about?"

Man: "Look at what you have been trying to do. You wanted to climb that wall. Had you reached the top, you would have been successful. But you fell, which means you failed in your attempt to climb the wall. But you are up again now trying to climb the wall, which is why I admire you. And I have been wondering how are you able to get back to action inspite of the great fall. I have been failing too like you, but I find it so hard to get up sometimes, which is why I wanted to know your secret source of motivation."

The Ant heard it all patiently. He was then quiet for a while. The young man hopefully waited for the Ant to say something. 'Who knows, the Ant might just share his secret now.' thought the man.

Suddenly the Ant looked up at the man, and broke the silence.

Ant: "Well..the secret that you are looking for is that.."  The man's face lit up, 'Oh yes, he is telling me his secret now'
Ant: "there is NO secret."
Man (confused): "What? There is no secret? How is that possible? If you do not want to tell me that is ok. But you need not lie to me that there is no secret." The man had started getting irritated.

The Ant continued calmly, "Chill dude. I am not lying. There is indeed no secret. I live with a thousand other ants in an anthill nearby. That is my house and we are a very big family. All of us have our roles to play. Each one of us plays his or her respective role sincerely without interfering in anyone else's work. I am a scout. My role is to search and find food and then inform the worker ants to start collecting it. I also scout for new places to build anthills, should any calamity befall our home. So we all get up in the morning...head to work..do what we have to do and then get back home to our family and celebrate. But yes, in a way... we are different from human beings."

Man: "How are you different? Even we have families and homes, we try to work too so that we can celebrate. Infact we have a lot more things to take care of"

Ant: "Precisely. You guys have a lot more to take care of...and that is because you guys complicate life a lot more too!"

Man: "How is that?"

Ant: "Look at all those questions you were asking me...about success and failure..falling and getting up..it clearly shows that humans are extremely good at labeling things..labeling every little event of life. You labeled my fall as a failure. I didn't. You said that if I reached the top of the wall, that would be success for me. I didn't say that."

Ant continued: "For me, its just a part of being myself and doing what I should be doing... Scouting. I explore places..I run here and there, climb walls... and if I fall, I just get up and climb again. And when I reach the top of the wall, I continue to walk, searching for food and when I find it, I call my brothers. And then I keep going ahead till the end of the day. Once I am done, I go home and enjoy my life back there.

I cannot see success or failure in this process. None of us can. For that matter, I am sure that the spider you were talking of, was weaving his web, simply because he had to..thats a part of being a spider. He wasn't trying to prove anything to the world or feature in storybooks."

"You find it hard to get up because you attach a lot of importance to that fall. The labels act as gravity. We ants or spiders or the bees don't have labels. We enjoy being ourselves and just do what we have to do."

The young man didn't know what to say. This Insignificant little Ant had suddenly brought about a shift in the man's perspective. The Ant had not revealed any great secret, given a sermon or quoted from the Holy books. All what he spoke was practical wisdom.

Man: "Err..Thanks...I don't know what to tell you..you have changed the way I..."

Ant: "Its ok pal. I am not a philosopher. I told you what I know. And by the way...I am getting late and if keep talking to you, I wont be able to complete my errand and reach back home in time for the party!"

With that, the Ant winked and continued climbing the wall.

The young man sat there with a smile dawning on his face.